


Aftermath

by CoarsePythagoras



Category: SHINee
Genre: Don't Read This, Don't let my mum read this, Graphic Description, I'm Sorry, M/M, Please Don't Kill Me, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 05:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14230584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoarsePythagoras/pseuds/CoarsePythagoras
Summary: “Hyu… Hyung does it ever stop hurting?” Taemin asked through small sobs, tears still running down his porcelain face.Minho sighed “No, you just make room for it.”It's the aftermath of Jonghyun's suicide and Taemin blames himself. Minho tries to help the Maknae.





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Dear god. I'm so sorry please don't hate me. ( Or do it's your choice)

It had been 3 months since Jonghyun committed suicide and Taemin was sitting in his love’s old bedroom tears flowing like waterfalls from his chocolate eyes and down his cheeks. He sobbed into Minho’s chest endlessly clutching at the mustard yellow v neck jumper, Minho held the broken boy in silence, rocking him slowly as his fresh tears stained his chest. A moment of silence let Minho pull away as he stared at the sobbing boy who's lashes were still heavy with tears. This only lasted a moment before Taemin collapsed again his howls of wretchedness worsening. The pain came in waves crashing every second before retracting for a few moments sobs echoing throughout the house followed by the deafening silence of the boy pausing for breath he knew he didn't deserve.

“It’s all my fault!” he screamed hurling himself back into Minho’s outstretched arms.

“If I hadn't let my pride get in the way of my true feelings we never would have argued he’d be standing here right now his eyes glowing as life flowed through him, and you would smile and that would be enough.”

“No don't say things like that it wasn't your fault so please stop blaming yourself Min it’s hurting you” Minho’s voice was riddled with grief as he whispered into the younger's ear.

“Hyu… Hyung does it ever stop hurting?” Taemin asked through small sobs, tears still running down his porcelain face.

Minho sighed “No, you just make room for it.”

“Oh, Ok”

“Hyung I cant stop thinking about him, whenever I look around everything just reminds me of him especially when we perform. Its wrong hyung, its not the same without his smile there.”

“I know Minnie, I know but we all need to try to move on. The pain wont ever go away but over time it will diminish” Minho placed a steady hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“HOW CAN I MOVE ON WHEN I’M THE REASON HE’S DEAD!”

“Taemin how many times do I have to tell you it wasn't your fault!”

“IT IS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. YOU, KIBUM, JINKI, THE FANS, EVERYONE, IT’S MY FAULT!”

“Tae please listen to me, it’s not your fault.”

“YES IT IS STOP LYING TO ME!” Taemin ran out of the room more glistening tears falling down his face.

“Taemin!” Minho sprinted out of Jonghyun’s room in pursuit of the maknae.

“Minho just leave him be, he’ll calm down soon he just needs to be alone.” Kibum grabbed Minho’s arm preventing him from ascending the stairs.

“He’ll probably calm down faster if we weren't here. Hey I know lets go get some fried chicken, Kibum you down.”

“Yeah we could use a break, you coming Minho.”

“Um I think I'll stay. Im worried about him. You guys go have fun and Key don't let Jinki eat too much.”

Taemin sat in is bathroom the knife he had become too acquainted with resting in his palm. Taemin rolled his sleeves up past his elbows. The previous scars that littered his arms becoming present. Slowly Taemin pressed the knife into the fragile skin and pulled. The red leaked out of the wound rapidly.

“It is my fault, I know it.” With every repeat of these words the bathroom became more stained with crimson webs.

“IT’S MY FAULT AND I KNOW IT EVERYONE IS LYING TO ME, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I JUST DIED!” Taemin screamed as he dragged the knife all the way up his left arm. He quickly grabbed the knife with his now blood soaked hand and ran it all the way up the veins in his right arm. Taemin’s blood know flooded the bathroom turning it into a sickly red. Taemin dropped to the floor and screamed before blacking out.

From downstairs Minho could hear shouting.

“TAEMIN ARE YOU OK?” The older questioned. Silence. Worried Minho ascended the stairs. As he reached the bathroom he heard a blood curdling scream. Franticly he tried to open the door though to his dismay it was locked. He kicked door down using all his strength. Minho screamed as he ran into the blood bath. The younger was on the floor surrounded by sea of cerise, the knife lay next to him shining gleefully at having taken Taemin’s life.

“TAEMIN… TAEMIN WAKE UP!” Minho’s screams echoed through the house.

Black, that’s all he could see. The darkness swarmed around him like locusts as the never-ending void seemed to consume his very soul and being. In the distance he could hear faint singing, a beautiful melody that sounded oh so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. Connected to the angelic voice a small hint of light shone dimly at first, then as the voice got louder the light began to grow brighter and morph into the shape of a human. At first that was all Taemin could make out but as he focused on the figure he could see the beautiful features of his soulmate, from his deep brown eyes to his dazzling white hair every part of the man was striking the bright light surrounding him only adding to his elegance.

“J… Jonghyun” Taemin stammered as tears rolled down his cheeks staining his jumper.

“Taemin” Jonghyun’s voice sounded empty like all the joy had been ripped from him.

“Jonghyun am I dead, did I succeed?”

“Not yet Minnie you’re slowing dying, drifting in and out of consciousness”

"Oh… how long until I can be with you again?" Taemin stared at Jonghyun with pleading eyes whilst Jonghyun slowly turned away.

“I’d say you have around 20 minutes until you can no longer be saved.”

“That’s good everyone won’t be home before then they won’t have to see me still in this wretched existence.”

“Is that what you think life is Min?”

“Of course it is!” Taemin’s voice began to rise and shake as he tried to justify his state of mind.

“Jinki and Kibum never cared and Minho gave up on me!” Even more tears escaped Taemin’s prison as he continued to scream.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM!" As Jonghyun screamed at him the entire void began to shake violently as if the void was Jonghyun’s emotions.

“DO YOU THINK THEY WOULDN’T CARE IF YOU KILLED YOURSELF?”

“OF COURSE THEY DON’T CARE LOOK THEY WENT OUT SHOPPING INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT ME!”

“Taemin, I think you need to see what effect your actions are causing on your hyungs.”

“What do you mean hyung?”

“Shh just watch” Jonghyun spat these words as Taemin felt the void begin to fill with light.

“TAEMIN… TAEMIN PLEASE JUST WAKE UP” Minho was still in the bathroom cradling Taemin’s unmoving body, blood still flooding from his veins, pooling and flooding the bathroom floor. Minho’s one yellow v neck was now filled with crimson patches and tears as they profusely fell mixing with the blood.

“Minnie, please wake up. It’s my fault I knew you were hurting, just not this bad. I’m so sorry I should have pressed harder I should’ve tried to save you. I didn’t save Jonghyun or you please forgive me.”

“You see Taemin they do care about you, Minho stayed behind because he was worried for you.” Jonghyun stared into the Youngers eyes as he brought his face closer to Taemin.

“No… no this wasn’t meant to happen he was meant to leave. Minho, hyung I’m so sorry I was so selfish its not your fault please believe me it’s all mine.” Taemin leant into Jonghyun’s chest as he sobbed loudly.

“No Taemin it’s not your fault it’s mine if I hadn’t been so selfish then everyone would be okay. I'm so sorry I didn’t mean to make you hurt so much.”

“Jonghyun…”

“No, listen it’s too late for me, I’m already dead but you have to go now you only have 5 minutes left until you can’t be saved. Please Taemin go.” Jonghyun gazed into Taemin’s light brown eyes tears silently spilling from his eyes.

“I… I can’t I don’t want to go Jonghyun please let me stay. Back then I’m sorry I never told you my true feelings, at least now let me make it up to you.” Taemin looked up at Jonghyun as he brought their tear stained faces together and connected their lips in a sweet yet passionate kiss.

“I should have done that months ago” Taemin smiled as he stared up at his love, all the pain he had been feeling up to that moment dissipating into the void.

“Minnie.”

“Shh it will be alright Kibum and Jinki hyung will look after him.”

“But…”

“Send me back for just a moment, please? I want to say goodbye to him”

“Of course Minnie” and with that a bright light filled the void followed by another darkness.

“Minnie you only have a minute okay”

“Ok”

Taemin slowly opened his eyes as he looked up to see his hyung mumbling something to himself.

“Hy… Hyung" Taemin groaned as he tried to sit up, blood was still flowing from his body though it was a small stream rather than a gushing river.

"Taemin, oh my god you woke up, I'm son sorry it was my fault Minnie the ambulance should be here any minute now please just stay awake."

“Hyung I cant stay, I already made that decision.”

“Minnie what are you saying please you cant die.”

“I saw Jonghyun I could feel him, I could even touch him Minho. It has been so long since I could feel him I cant let him go now, I hope you understand.”

“No! I cant understand please Minnie you have to live I don't know what I would do without you, please just stay alive!”

“Its gonna be okay hyung Kibum and Jinki will take care of you I promise.”

“NO, NO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME. DO YOU HEAR ME? LEE TAEMIN! Please don't die.” Minho’s voice fell as he finished the sentence he could see Taemin’s once brown eyes slowly begin to fade.

"I’m sorry.” Taemin slowly closed his eyes as his body went limp.

“NO... NO. TAEMIN. TAEMIN. PLEASE WAKE UP NO... NO!” Minho’s breath hitched as cascade of wetness fell down his face, roaring sobs could be heard throughout the house.

Jinki and Kibum were walking back up to the house complete with a box of fresh, hot, crispy chicken. Their howls of laughter abruptly cut off my Minho’s piercing wails.

“Minho what’s… Taemin.” Jinki was the first to witness the gruesome sight painted before him. Their precious Maknae laying in his own blood while Minho was crying and wailing. Jinki ran to the toilet and proceeded to throw up all the chicken that he had shoved down his throat during their trip.

Kibum looked in to see the sight and Jinki throwing up. Tears threatened to fall before he looked at their great leader crouching on the floor crying and motionless, as he took another look in that bathroom he knew that he would have to be the strong one of the three men.

He could hear the sirens of the ambulance as the paramedics proceeded to enter the home searching for the victim.

“we’re up here” Kibum called as he stepped back pulling Jinki with him. Minho however hadn't moved, he had stopped screaming though tears were still falling as he pressed his forehead onto the Maknae.

The paramedics entered the bathroom some with looks of horror spread across their faces. As they tried to separate Taemin’s body from Minho he shouted.

“NO YOU CANT TAKE HIM!”

The paramedics continued to remove the boy from the broken man, Minho just clutching him tighter his knuckles turning white.

“Minho...” Kibum placed his hand upon his dongsaeng’s shoulder as he whispered in his ear.

“Minho we have to let the paramedics do their job we need to leave them alone.”

The younger looked at him with sad eyes but reluctantly stood up his legs shaking like crazy.

“Good come on let’s go downstairs.”

As they all left the room Kibum turned and mouthed an apology to the paramedics. They slowly walked down the wood staircase, Minho leaning against Kibum’s chest whilst Jinki clung to him like a koala.

“Hey.” Kibum turned to see a paramedic standing by the doorway a sorrowful look plastered on her face.

“I think that it would be best if you three stayed in hotel for a couple of days, we’ll have someone clean up here.”

“Thank you I think that would be the best course of action” Kibum gave the paramedic a small smile as the woman left the room.

They approached the hotel, taking in the silence they headed up to their room. As night fell they all got into bed Minho sleeping in a single bed and Kibum and Jinki.

“Key.” Jinki’s turned to face his boyfriend.

“Yes.”

“Do you reckon Minho will be ok?”

“I think that everything will be okay, maybe not today but eventually.” As Minho and Jinki fell into a restless slumber Kibum found himself replaying the worst moment’s over and over again. Jonghyun’s funeral as Taemin Minho and Jinki broke down around, Taemin’s lifeless body surrounded by a sea of crimson, Minho’s screams, Jinki throwing up. In all these hardships they had to endure Kibum was the one who had to keep everyone together. He was the glue that held all the broken pieces however the glue had corroded and the pieces had been crushed.


End file.
